Almost
by moviefanatic17
Summary: There can only be so many 'almosts' before they become 'somethings' or 'never weres'. Just a bunch of moments when Kensi and Callen realized there could be something more.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, I finally got around to working on this one enough to post! This was going to be a one shot, but when writing just the first part, it took forever. There will be a few more chapters to tag onto the end of this one, so bear with me! Im hoping to have the next one up soon. Basic spoilers - this chapter = Legend pt. 2 Reviews are appreciated, and thanks for taking the time to read. **

-**moviefanatic17**

**Disclamier - Yeah, I'm not rich enough to own any of this. **

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_It almost happened when he was shot. _

Kensi remembers the day clearly, with even the smallest detail engraved in her memory. It was the day they had taken down Hazeke and his arms buying ring, with some added problems coming in the form of Michael Rivkin, the Mossad agent operating undercover. Callen had also been undercover, trapped inside the Israeli's gun buyer's garage.

Kensi had been the first called when they needed another set of eyes on Callen. Being the only female field operative on the team sometimes sucked, especially when you had to smooth talk a sleazy terrorist. Either way, she'd gotten in and planted the camera, and sent a 'what the hell' look toward her team leader. His expression was unreadable as ever, but the woman next to him was anxious and afraid. Kensi quickly went back to her car, set a date for a repair that Hazeke would never make, and drove off, calling Macy on the way out of there.

Two hours later found Kensi trying to explain why her brand new Nissan convertible had a broken headlight to their operations manager Hetty. The older woman was just asking her if she knew how much the repair would cost the agency when Eric's voice came ringing from the ops center.

"It's Callen! Callen's been shot!"

She heard the words, but her brain couldn't comprehend. _Callen was shot? _But the op had ended hours ago. Some instinctive part of her managed to take control and lead her to where the computer nerd's shout came from. Inside, the large TV screen up front was showing a street corner, close to the beach. Kensi didn't recognize it, but being L.A., that didn't surprise her. What did surprise her was the action going on the screen. There was an ambulance surrounded by people, with police officers darting through, pushing them away. Medics were scrambling to lift a gurney up and into the back of the waiting vehicle. Near the ambulance was Sam, who was unmistakable even in the zoomed back angle of the camera. He was motioning to the gurney and then looked straight up at the camera they were watching him through. The look on his face sent a plummeting feeling into Kensi's stomach, and she watched as he leaped in the van and the doors closed, lights and unheard sirens clearing a path. The room watched in shocked silence until Hetty spoke up.

"Mr. Beal, can you pull earlier footage of the street?" There was no answer. "Mr. Beal!"

Eric slowly responded, and hit a few things on his keyboard. Instantly, the tape began to rewind, but was soon stopped. Kensi noticed Sam's black SUV parked to the far right of the screen. After a few seconds, Callen stepped out, and walked to the corner where the ambulance would be moments later, straight across from their camera. Kensi watched as he smiled to someone off the screen. He had such a handsome smile. Then, a black van obscured him for a moment, but not before she saw his body jolt and crumple to the ground, fruit being blasted apart behind him. Kensi wasn't sure if the strangled cry in her throat had actually come out, or if it was still stuck inside her.

The van had left as quickly as it came, and Sam ran on screen, his gun raised. Kensi could see the flash as each bullet aimed for the shooters. Sam quickly lowered his gun and ran to Callen, raising him up and grabbing his cell phone. Kensi turned away as Eric paused the screen.

"Why are we just hearing about this now?" Kensi asked, using anger to cover up her fear.

"One of our people caught Sam's call on the police radio," Eric replied, taking the image off the screen.

"Play it," Macy said, pacing behind the rest of the team.

_"911, what's the emergency?"_

_"Stay with me G, don't do this to me. Come on! Yeah, I need an ambulance!" Sam's near frantic voice came on the line. _

_"Sir, what is your location?"_

_"Ocean Front Road, Venice." There was a slight pause before quieter calls of "Stay with me, stay with me. Come on buddy," followed. _

_"Okay, sir, we are dispatching units to the scene." _

After the audible click of the recording ending, Kensi looked over at Macy, who was standing near Hetty. They looked up at her, and could see the request written on her face. Unfortunately, it was Macy's job to get the job done, even though they might rather be with Callen.

"Kensi, take Dom. Process that street corner."

Hours later, Kensi was standing in an elevator on her way to Angel of Mercy hospital's Intensive Care unit. Sam had given her a call earlier and told her that Callen had gotten through surgery and was moved into the ICU. She'd headed over as soon as the street had been cleared and every witness had been exhausted, but they still had no lead on the van. Breaking many a road rule on the way, it had felt like she couldn't get there soon enough...just make it to that hospital to see him and make sure that he was still there...still alive.

The doors opened with their characteristic ding and Kensi did nothing. She'd been so concerned with just getting to the hospital and to Callen that she didn't think about what she would do when she finally _got_ there. She couldn't just run into his room, throw herself on his bed and cry because she'd almost lost him. But she couldn't just walk into his room with him lying there, nearly dead, and act as if everything was completely fine either.

"Miss, can I help you?"

Kensi blinked and realized that she was still standing in the elevator and was being examined by an old woman wearing scrubs. She had a caring, questioning look and Kensi snapped out of her trance.

"Oh, sorry," Kensi said, stepping out and letting the doors close.

"Are you here to see someone?" the woman asked, leading Kensi down the hall.

"Yes," Kensi replied, "G. Callen."

The old woman nodded her head. "Oh, yes, the young man who came in today. Another man was in the room just a moment ago, but you can go ahead in. He's just resting now," she said, and Kensi noticed that they were standing in front of a door. The woman left her there, but not before turning back to Kensi. "Don't worry, dear. He'll be fine."

Kensi nodded and put her hand on the door. Why was she so worried? They all knew that there were risks in the job they'd chosen. Hell, she was sure Callen had probably been shot before. So why was she so worried this time? _Because, this was a random attack._ And the attackers were still out there. And Callen was her boss, she was allowed to be worried about him. Wasn't she?

Opening the door, Kensi tenatively took a step into the room and closed the door quietly. She couldn't help the sigh that escaped her when she caught sight of Callen. His body was wrapped in bandages and his skin was pale. Kensi walked closer to him and heard the steady beeping of the monitors he was on. She never had liked hospitals, and other than the sight and the smell, the sounds were the reason. There was the constant drip of the pain killers, the beep of the heart monitor, and the pnuematic sound of the machine pumping air into his lungs, but not a sound came from the man himself, and that scared her.

It was so unnatural to see him like this. Callen was usually the picture of strength, both physically and emotionally. And seeing him like this, unconcious and clinging to life, it just seemed so...wrong.

Looking around, Kensi didn't see Sam anywhere in the room. Guessing he must have stepped out, Kensi took the chair he'd probably been occupying, and pulled it up to the side of Callen's bed. Instinctively, she reached over and touched his hand. It was cold, but she ignored her brain's warning and questions and slid her smaller hand into his palm. She looked at his face and felt the tears well up, wondering why she felt as though _she'd_ taken those bullets, and not him.

_She almost fell in love with him when he was shot. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey everyone, I know its been a while and I wasn't planning on letting it take this long between chapters. Hopefully this one will make up for the wait...there are some spoilers for Breach, and this scene is based on what I thought was going to happen in the episode after I saw the preview...Thanks for reviewing to all the people who did, theyre appreciated. **

**Disclaimer: I don't make nearly enough money to own this. **

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_It almost happened when she went undercover. _

Callen doubts its a day he'll ever forget. He had just walked into headquarters when he noticed that the entrance seemed quiet. Almost too quiet. His instincts were telling him to turn back while he had a chance, and he knew only one woman could have that effect. Sure enough, he was cornered by Hetty, who could scare an entire battalion out of their bunkhouse with a single look. After a few minutes of being politely chewed out for his $1,400 sushi bill, Callen and the older woman made their way up to Eric and the rest of the team.

Some Navy code-breakers had been having a little fun on leave at a strip club, and apparently pissed off the wrong person. It seemed pretty obvious that the man who drove his truck into the club, killing Petty Officer Renney, had done it because he'd fought with the Petty Officer about a stripper, Katya, earlier in the night. The driver had even killed himself in the accident, so case closed, right? Never.

After learning the unseen complications of the case including a master plan behind the collision, another dead body, and a boy Sam brought into the country, the case was anything but simple. Apparently, the man who had driven the car into the club was known by Sam's young friend. He in turn led them to a man named Safar, a regular of the strip club and a known terrorist.

Any leads they may have been able to get circled back to Katya and her boss Dallas. Dallas had been taping Katya having sex with men and keeping the tapes to blackmail them for money and information. After Katya confirmed that it was Safar buying the information they got from certain people, it was decided that they needed to get into Dallas' back room and retrieve his files. For this, they needed Katya.

"No. There's no way I'm going back there with feds! Dallas will know and he'll have me killed! Or that Safar guy! No way."

"Look, Katya, we can protect you. We only need you to act as you've been for the last few months."

She wouldn't have any of it. "You can't keep me here, or make me part of this plan. I'm not under arrest for anything."

Realizing they were getting no where, Callen stepped out of the room to where Kensi was watching on the monitor.

"So, can't get your girlfriend to help? You know we won't get any farther in this without those files." She looked over at him but Callen wasn't really listening, only examining her. "What?"

"You know, you look a lot like Katya."

Realization dawned on her features and she glared. "Don't you go there, Callen."

"Same height, weight..."

"Callen."

"With all the smoke in the air, he'd never get a good look at you."

"Callen!"

"All you'd have to do is wear a little more makeup. And your hair..."

"Hey, what's going on?" Nate asked, walking in and immediately sensing Kensi's distress and Callen's impatience.

"Do you think Kensi could pull off an undercover as her?" the agent asked, pointing to the woman on the screen.

The operational psychologist, sensing that either answer would probably be a bad one, simply said the truth. "Based on past evaluations, I think she could pull of anything."

In G's mind, it was settled. "There you go."

"And just when did I agree to this?"

Callen walked into the strip club and found an empty stool at the bar, ordering a drink as he sat. Scanning the room, he noticed the usual clientele of a strip club; a bachelor party, some frat boys out for the night, and married men unhappy with their lives. He himself would be playing one of the latter, and glanced down at the gold band on his left hand. Picking his head up, he saw the audience he was looking for...Dallas. Being sure to have the owner's eye, he carefully took the ring off his finger and slipped it into his pocket.

At that moment, G could just make out the employee with a record walking up to Dallas. They'd earlier _convinced_ him that it would be in his best interest to tell Dallas that Katya was back as it would shorten his parole and hoped Dallas would take his word without question. He must have, because Callen watched as the bartender whispered something into his ear and Dallas looked up. Sweeping his gaze toward Callen, he muttered something back to the man, who nodded and quickly walked back toward the bar, sending a pointed look to Callen. He'd taken it.

Callen's view of the club was soon interrupted by a woman dressed in a black overcoat and sky high heels. Keeping her back to the club owner, she leaned into Callen, putting her lips close to his ear and playing her part to a T.

"I swear, Callen, I will _get you _for suggesting this."

Callen stifled a laugh, but smiled nonetheless, acting as though she'd said something more sexy. Then again, from the way her breath was moist on his neck and her perfume tickled his senses, he thought she could read him the entire NCIS operational manual and make it sound sexy as hell.

She leaned back and he got his first full look at her. Kensi had taken his advice and had put on a lot more makeup than she usually wore. If the long coat and spiky high heels were an indicator, there wasn't much on her underneath. He didn't know what it was about the night, but it made her skin look soft and touchable, two things that he wouldn't ordinarily let himself think of her as. Kensi was tough as nails and had confidence, which were two things that _did _allow her to be able to pull this off.

After a few more minutes of pretend foreplay, Kensi grabbed Callen's hand and led him through a hall to the back. Opening a door to the right as if she'd been there a million times, she walked into the room and he closed the door behind him, being sure to nervously look around before going in. After all, he was playing the cheating husband.

Scanning the small bedroom and conscious of the fact that they could be under watch, Callen walked up behind Kensi and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her neck. Callen couldn't help but notice the small moan that came from her. _Not now, G. _"How's it looking, Sam? Do we have the target?"

"Hook, line, and sinker," Sam's voice came through their earpieces.

Kensi turned in his arms and pushed his jacket off his arms. Deep brown eyes met striking blue, and he mouthed the words "Sell it."

She nodded and without hesitation threw him against the bed. Losing her cover-up left her in undergarments only, and G fought to keep his mind on the job as he took in the black silk and lace clad woman before him. She made her way over and straddled him, beginning to kiss his neck and moving her hands across his chest. Callen put one hand on the bare skin of her back and another tangled in her hair, and for a rare moment, he allowed himself to forget the mission, forget the camera, and just think about what was happening.

He would love to say that he had only ever seen Kensi as another agent, but that would be a flat out lie. There were days when he'd catch himself looking at her and wondering what it would be like to be in the moment he was in now, and those days were becoming more and more frequent. Now that he was here, he realized just how soft her hair was, and just how warm her touch could feel, and found that none of his fantasies had come close to the real thing. Shaking his head, Callen remembered all the things he'd allowed himself to ignore before as he quietly spoke to his partner again.

"How long until that jam, Sam?"

"Shit, G, it's gonna take a minute. I've got a problem here, hang tight."

Kensi lifted her head and looked at him, hearing the same thing he had. If this foreplay continued much longer, Dallas would wonder what was going on. Callen had to take action, and didn't allow himself to think about consequences. Pulling his weight from under Kensi, he flipped so that he was now leaning over her instead of her on him. He took her arms and pinned them above her head. He caught her gaze, a mixture of apprehension and desire that probably mirrored his own. Giving in to the moment, he crashed his lips onto hers, the intensity taking him by as much surprise as her.

Kensi responded quickly, using the same fire he'd started with. Her freed hands found their way into his short hair, pulling him closer. Their personalities guided them, and neither gave anything, fighting for control of the moment. It felt as though every kiss, every touch, and every sound was charged with an unexplored energy and passion.

As soon as it had begun, they were forced back to the task at hand by the sound of Sam in their earphones, telling them that the camera signal was jammed. Callen abruptly climbed off the bed and went to his jacket, grabbing his gun. Before running out, he looked back at Kensi, hair disheveled and lips swollen, and was struck with the thought of forever seeing this image in his mind. She grabbed for the long coat she'd thrown off earlier and got her gun as well. Making sure that she was armed and protected, he ran out the door to the private room behind the kitchen where the videos were taped to.

Stealing the file took longer than he expected, and as he headed back to the room he heard crashing coming from within. Kicking the door open, Callen saw Kensi holding Dallas down, gun drawn and panting. The club owner's nose was bleeding and the agent smiled as he threw her his handcuffs and leaned against the doorframe.

Sam chose that moment to run to the room after hearing the same sound Callen heard. Looking at Dallas, cuffed and whining, he returned his gun to its place and turned his gaze to Callen, expression unreadable, along with Kensi's appearance and the messy sheets.

"Enjoy yourself?" he quietly asked his partner, but apparently not quiet enough as Kensi glared at him, grabbed her coat and threw it on.

"Next time," she seethed, stopping by Callen on her way out. "You're the one who's stripping."

Callen couldn't help but break his silence. "Promise?"

The answer: another glare and a blush. And that's all he needed.

_He almost fell in love with her when she went undercover. _

**So that was my first ever attempt at a 'sexy' scene haha...review if you want.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey everybody- First off, a huge apology for the long wait on this chapter. It's been written since about October, but I've been revising it almost daily. I just couldn't get it to sit right! But finally, I think I've got it to a good place. Thanks again for all the reviews and the favorites. They've helped me get my butt in gear and fix this up! The next few should be up a lot sooner than this one was.**

**Disclaimer: They're not mine. But I thank CBS and Shane Brennan for letting me play with them. **

**Spoilers for Season 1 "Missing"**

**Again, thanks for the reviews, and enjoy. **

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_She almost told him she needed him._

It was late when Kensi rested her head against the fence, unwilling to leave the relative safety of headquarters. She couldn't go home yet. At home there was no one to put up a brave front for, no one to hide her feelings from. There were only empty rooms and the long, stretching silence that allowed a person to think. And thinking wasn't something she wanted to do today. Because today they'd lost Dom. An agent. A partner. A friend.

Sighing, Kensi tried to tell herself that he might not be gone. After all, he was only missing, traded off to someone they didn't know and for reasons they couldn't understand. But dark thoughts about what might have happened to him were finding their way into her head, and all of her focus was placed on keeping them away.

Her emotions had run the gamut today, with the morning starting out hazy. The night before had been the most fun she'd had in a while, laughing along with the team as each one of them sang karaoke. Coming in this morning had been difficult for most of the team, herself included. Kensi felt like she was moving in slow motion, Hetty was strangely chipper, Nate looked like he'd been hit by a bus, Eric seemed like he had actually slept out on the beach, not just dressed for it, Dom must have been busy, because he hadn't joined them the night before, and somehow Sam and Callen weren't the least bit affected, that she could see. Tolerance, she supposed, and she envied them. It was looking like the hardest part of the day was going to be making it through an entire safety evaluation with the aftermath of a hangover. Until they got the call.

An 'agent needs assistance' call was never a good sign. And the fact that Dom wasn't answering any of his phones kicked Kensi's panic into overdrive. Panic turned to terror as she caught sight of pools of blood in his abandoned car. It wasn't until they found one of the kidnappers, dead from a gunshot wound, that her spirits rose. She managed to 'keep hope alive' as Callen put it after the kidnappers' sister, a nurse named Claudia, told them she'd seen Dom and had patched up a minor wound he'd had.

Kensi had gone in undercover as Claudia, and she was nearly bursting with the anticipation of getting Dom back as Callen carefully guided her through a maze of stairwells and doors. She should have known that the Taro brothers wouldn't bring Dom to the meet, just as they didn't take Claudia to her brothers. So when the dying criminal told them where they'd left Dom, she ran out of the building, Callen and Sam close behind.

The drive to the location they were given was passed in a tense silence by the three agents. Kensi gripped the cold metal of her gun tightly, putting marks into her hands as she cautioned a glance at the men in the front seat. Sam was gripping the steering wheel harder than she held her own gun, maybe picturing the neck of whoever had taken Dom. Callen, of course, was Callen, calm and quiet. She could always count on him for that. It was strange that for a man who made his life out of constantly changing, he managed to be a source of consistency in her own life.

The air was thick with urgency as Sam slid to a halt. Kensi could see the van in front of her, and the thought of Dom being so close made her leap from the car, following Sam and Callen forward, guns drawn. Her chest felt like it would explode, and as they opened the door, the anticipation reached the final boiling point.

And then there was nothing. The van was empty, with no sign that Dom had even been there. Kensi felt her heart plummet into her stomach as she stared at the empty space, unable to tear her eyes away.

She could hear Sam punch the side of the van with his fist, furiously turning away. Kensi felt the same way, but couldn't find the strength needed to mimic his actions. Instead, she turned her gaze to Callen, hoping that he would have some kind of answer. He was also breathing heavily, but his face remained blank as he looked around the area, finally locking eyes with her. She caught a glimpse into their depths, like a flash of lightning in a storm, and saw that he was just as angry as Sam and just as disbelieving as she was. And as suddenly as it had come, it was locked back away, replaced by the ever present shield. But what she had seen there would be burned into her memory of that moment forever.

Kensi heard the door behind her open, effectively bringing her back from the van on the ridge to the dark lot of OSP. Drawing in a breath, she turned expecting to see Hetty again, with another pep talk for her. She knew that Hetty meant well, and her talk had helped earlier, but Kensi didn't know what sort of words would help this time. Yet instead of seeing the short, old woman waiting patiently for her, she found her team leader leaning on the building, staring at her intently.

"Hey," she said, leaving the fence and stepping forward into the dim security light. In the low light, she could see his eyes had changed to a dark blue and were focused on her own brown pools.

Kensi both hated and loved it when Callen looked at her. He could tell you everything or show you nothing with his eyes alone. But with his legendary status, she always had trouble telling if what she saw inside the blue orbs when he did show something was really him, or a cover for what was truly inside. She tried to read his eyes now, but he kept them and his face impassive.

"Look," she started, pacing alongside of Sam's Challenger, "I know what you're going to say. You're going to tell me that there was nothing we could have done. And I know that. You're going to say that we're going to do everything we can to get him back. And I know that too. You're also going to say that he'll be okay. But there is no way we can know that, Callen. We can't," she nearly shouted, her heart racing as she stopped and turned to him. He simply watched her.

"Damn it," she swore, choking on tears that had held back all day. "Why him, Callen? Why Dom?"

There was no answer.

"I should have known something was wrong when he didn't come out last night. I should have tried to call him."

Still nothing. She wanted to be mad at him for taking this so much better than she was, but couldn't bring herself to do so.

"If I would have called him, I could have convinced him to come out and then he would be here with us and..." she trailed off, unable to think and struggling to even breathe calmly.

They stood that way for some time, letting the unusually cool and silent air surround them. Callen still didn't say a thing, but he didn't need to. For one glimmering moment, Kensi caught a glimpse of the man inside of the legend, the emotion that was rarely seen. Something in his eyes shifted, and she found herself nearly running into his arms.

Burying her face in his shirt, she could smell gunpowder, sweat, and something that was uniquely Callen. It made her feel safe, secure, and allowed her to shed some tears for the first time that day. Most people at headquarters had been tip-toeing around her since they'd gotten the call, and she could feel their cautious glances when she wasn't looking. She only needed someone to be there for her, and Callen was.

Slowly, almost as if he were second guessing himself, he reached up and brushed a lone tear off her cheek. It was a strangely tender moment, unfamiliar to both, but Kensi didn't feel uncomfortable. If anything, the moment felt almost natural, which surprised her less than she'd thought it would.

Kensi slowly lifted her head and gazed into his striking blue eyes. It was almost imperceptible as they moved, and she couldn't tell if he'd bent down or she'd reached up, but their lips connected in a soft, gentle kiss. There was no thought involved, no wondering about the aftermath. There was only the comfort that each looked to provide to the other.

The door creaked open behind them, bringing them both back from their temporary bliss. Kensi turned quickly and wiped her eyes, unwilling to be vulnerable to anyone else, and listened as Sam said something to Callen quietly. She turned and watched as Sam sent a slight nod her way, which she gave back, and got into his car to leave.

The silence returned once more as Kensi thought of what she should say. She wanted to say something about what had happened, but somehow felt that no explanation was needed. She wanted to ask him to stay at her apartment tonight, that she had a room he could use. She didn't want to be alone. But Callen was already turning back into the building, and she had a job she wanted to do in someone else's apartment. So she followed his lead, and let words simply float into the enduring silence of the night.

_She almost told him she needed him._


	4. Chapter 4

**Ladies and Gentlemen, if I could draw your attention away from sharpening your pitchforks for a moment, I finally have a new chapter! Now, I could make excuses about work and class and the whole holiday season, but it'd be a bunch of BS, cause in all honesty this chapter kicked my butt! It came to me in a flash of inspiration while I was listeneing to a song but the details were a little hazy. So without further ado, here you go! And thanks again for sticking with me through this and for all the reviews. **

**Spoilers for Season 1 - The Bank Job**

_**Disclaimer: No I don't own them. If I did, we'd only get a new episode about once every couple months. :P**_

_He almost gave in that night. _

_There were shouts; fearful screams and strangled cries. He didn't know how, but he suddenly found himself standing right next to her. He heard the quiet plea, which was ignored by the man in front of her. He watched, almost as if time stood still, while three bullets ripped out of the barrel and hurtled straight into her chest. He wanted to yell, to catch her before her body crumpled to the ground, but he too seemed to be frozen in time. _

_He couldn't help the feeling of déjà vu that hit him as he watched blood stain her white shirt. It reminded him of a time not even a year ago when he'd felt the impact of the hot lead, along with the cold chill that inevitably followed. His eyes locked with hers, and instead of seeing recognition, he saw only fear and he nearly staggered from the wave of guilt that came crashing on him. He didn't even look back to the shooter, unable to take his eyes off of hers. Because if he would have, he would have seen himself standing next to the smoking gun, watching her fall to the cold marble floor. _

Callen's eyes shot open as he watched the last glimpse of Kensi's eyes fade into the pale stone and wrought iron of the ceiling in OSP. The rain falling on the roof brought him further back to reality, and he listened as thunder roared across the sky. Breathing slowly, he took a moment to run a hand across his face before sitting up from the couch. Being jarred from sleep by flashbacks was nothing new for Callen. In fact, it had become so frequent that he didn't worry about them anymore, but instead worried when he _wasn't _woken by one of them. Tonight, however, his stomach felt tighter than usual and he knew he couldn't just brush this one off.

Instantly, the battle within his mind began, one side calmly telling him that he was crazy, the plan had worked, and there was no real danger the entire time. After all, they'd caught the bad guy and there had been no losses, on either side of the table. The other part was shouting at him for putting his agent in danger, and having to watch her die in front of him. While he knew the first side was right, he felt himself leaning toward the other point of view.

He thought he would be able to handle watching her get struck by bullets during the bank robbery, and in all honesty, he should have been fine. The fake-death was one of the favorites in the NCIS undercover arsenal, and they'd done it many times. Sure, it was strange having small bladders of blood-like liquid rupture against you and selling your own death was never a fun experience, but it beat the hell out of the real thing.

_That's just it; it wasn't real_. For some reason, he had to keep reminding his churning stomach of that fact. It was just another mission. It was routine, harmless, and a complete success. But this time it was different, and he knew exactly why. Because this time, it hadn't been Sam, or Renko, or just a team member falling to the ground before him. No, it had been her, and therein laid his problem.

Callen felt like he was in a car heading straight for a brick wall, and all he could do was watch as he plowed into it. But even that was a lie. There was plenty he could have done to prevent this, and he had tried it all. He'd tried to keep his distance, tried to remain indifferent when her perfume danced across the air, and scolded himself when she managed to find her way into his head. Because he knew had committed the biggest sin a guy like him could; he got too close.

Ever since their lips had touched during their undercover op, he found himself longing for the taste of her again and again. He would catch himself looking just a little too long, taking in her long curls and dark eyes, and thoughts that had no purpose being in his mind would flood out everything else until there was only the two of them. While they'd been on the undercover, their actions had been justifiable, but the thoughts that followed were dangerous.

He'd managed to brush off what had happened for a while and it was back to business as usual for the most part. That is, until Dom disappeared. That day had shaken everybody up, especially Kensi. He'd found her outside late that night, and had listened to her dress herself down about not being there for Dom. The look in her eyes tore him to pieces, and he was almost glad when she came running into his arms. He'd reached up and wiped a tear from her cheek, unable to watch her cry. And when she looked up at him, he damned the consequences and kissed her.

Glancing at his watch, Callen found that he'd already gotten his usual two and a half hours of sleep for the night. Trying to get any more would just be unproductive, as he knew he would only lay there and wait, wide awake. He thought about digging out his Russian dictionary and practicing for a while before he heard footsteps behind him. He had to wonder if the fates just had it out for him or if he was just lucky, because he saw Kensi making her way over to the bullpen.

He watched her in the dim lights as she moved to her desk and grabbed a folder, moving it over to an even bigger stack of similar files and picking up another. She turned, and in the low light their eyes made contact. She looked startled to see him watching her, but quickly smiled and headed over to his makeshift bed. He tried to remember the argument he'd just had with himself, but it disappeared as she drew closer.

"Hey," she said, sitting down heavily beside him.

"Hey," he returned as he took in her appearance. Her hair was damp on the ends from the shower she'd no doubt have taken to wash away the fake blood from before. Shaking the mental picture of his junior agent in the shower out of his head, he focused on the way she wrung her hands together. Her face looked tired, but her eyes were bright and they were currently trained on his own. He wanted to ask her why she was still there, but she beat him to the question.

"I was just cleaning up. And I'm way too wired to go to sleep, so I figured I would catch up on some work." She was babbling, Callen could see that. "You know Hetty," she continued, "she'd probably bring paperwork for me to do at my funeral." He heard her voice trail off, and cursed himself for clenching his teeth at the mention of her dying. She must have seen, because she next asked him gently "Hey, are you okay?"

Shaking off his baseless fears, he turned back to her with walls in place. "Yeah. How about you? How are you holding up?"

She seemed disappointed by his answer, but answered nonetheless with a sigh. "Well, you know." He kept his gaze focused on her until she continued, running a hand through her tangled curls. "It's strange, pretending to die. Kind of makes you think of all the things you haven't done in your life. You know?" He nodded, and she went on. "I've always wanted to travel. And not for a terrorist threat or a crazy murderer," she added, earning a half smile from him. "And all the other things," she added, and he knew exactly what she meant. She was talking about what everyone thought about when they were wrapped up in their job…_family_.

"But hey," she began, "it was just a mission, right? I'm just overreacting."

The way she said it was so sad that Callen couldn't help but voice some of what he felt. "It's never just a mission, Kenz. And I'm glad you're okay." He looked up at her eyes and saw the surprise and concern in them, and couldn't control the flow of thoughts that rushed to the front of his mind. "It was hard today. Watching you go down like that. I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"It's the job, G," she said quietly, placing a hand over his. "We all know that it's what we've signed up for," she rationalized, and he knew she was telling the truth. He felt foolish for showing this kind of weakness to her. He was the team leader. He wasn't supposed to be the one questioning the dangers of the job.

"But I know what you mean. When I watched you on that surveillance camera the day you…you know…were shot, I couldn't take it." Her voice dropped to a low whisper. "I couldn't stand the thought of losing you."

For the first time in a long time, Callen felt like he'd had the wind knocked out of him without there being a bomb or a suspect slamming him to the ground. He tried to keep his face impassive as he lifted his head to study her face, but he only had a second to memorize the gleam in her eyes and the slight part of her mouth before she moved forward, tentatively placing her lips over his.

At that moment, every argument in his mind, every second guess he had seemed to melt into the feeling of Kensi's kiss. Instinctively, he reached up and grabbed her arms, pulling her closer. She tasted exactly as he remembered, and it was something he couldn't begin to put in to words. It was like the first time he'd been shot at; his heart raced, his skin seemed to tingle, and he felt that this moment could change his life.

The sound of the file in Kensi's hand falling to the floor brought him back to the present, and he reluctantly pulled away from her. Every voice in his head started shouting at him, fighting to be the first heard. He turned his head down, and sensed that she was watching him closely. Waiting for him to say something, anything.

"You should probably head home. It's been a long day," he stated quietly. He turned his face back toward Kensi and he watched a range of emotions run through her eyes, none of which he wanted to identify because he knew he'd been the cause of them. She slowly nodded, and picking up her file, stood from the couch.

"See you tomorrow, Callen," she said, and he could hear the hurt in her voice, though she covered it well. He watched her as she walked quickly through the hall and out of the door. When he heard the thick metal door close against its frame, he let out an aggravated groan let his head fall against the back of the couch, listening to the rain pounding down on the metal roof.

Why? Why had he said that? She'd worn her heart on her sleeve, put herself out there, and he'd told her to go home? He felt like a complete ass, and no amount of reason would change that. But the problem was that there was plenty of reason. Even if he ignored the fact that they worked together and that he was her boss, he could never get past the fact that he could never give her what she deserved. He knew that sooner or later, Kensi Blye would want everything she didn't have now. Sure, they could have sex, but it could never be more than that, and Callen didn't want a one night stand, not with her. She deserved to have someone that could love her and settle down and would never run the risk of being killed and leaving her. And with his history and the life he led, that had never been an option for him.

But as good as his reasons sounded in his mind, it still didn't stop his heart from aching for her.

__

_See outside, the rain it pours_

_The lightning flashes, the thunder roars_

_Woman you'd stand a better chance_

_Of trying to tame the elements_

_Rather than try to tame my soul_

_Or think your love could ever hold to the likes of me_

_It ain't I wouldn't like to stay_

_Live my life in an ordinary way_

_Nine to five, a family_

_Little baby boy on my knee_

_But woman I'd only break your heart_

_Cause that kind of life ain't in the cards for the likes of me_

_The likes of me that knows no home_

_But the town I'm in or the road I'm on_

_I got a restless soul and I'll never be still_

_The likes of me no woman can trust_

_I was born with a soul full of wanderer's lust_

_And I'll chase that sunrise over the hill_

_I can see the design _

_Of the picture in your mind_

_You think you can change my life_

_If you made me the perfect wife_

_But woman you're sweet, you're loving, you're kind_

_So don't mess up your pretty little mind_

_On the likes of me_

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**The song and lyrics are by Mr. Jerry Reed. It's called 'The Likes of Me' and it just seemed like something Callen would think about his own life. Okay, so I've got something I need point out...Did anyone else notice that Kensi ran her hand over Callen's shoulders when her and Deeks were leaving the boat house in the latest episode? I know I'm grasping at straws, but with them only putting Kensi and Deeks together on the show, I gotta take what I get! Well, have a good night everybody, and I hope to have another up soon.**

**moviefanatic17**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey everyone! This is going to come as short notice, but here is the FINALE of my story. Hopefully you all like, and hey, feedback is always welcome.**

**Disclaimer: Nope, not mine. Proudly owned by CBS and Shane Brennan. **

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_There can only be so many 'almosts' before they become 'somethings' or 'never-weres'_

Kensi didn't care. She didn't if people were watching. She didn't care about what they would inevitably be saying in a few seconds. No, she didn't care.

Because Kensi Blye was _pissed. _

Slamming through the door to the locker room, she wheeled around to face her pursuer, who was either brave or stupid to have followed her after their confrontation. Kensi was not someone to argue with, and most people knew when to back off. But not him…_never him_.

Callen flipped the lock on the door and turned back to his angry agent. Kensi saw the stubborn set of his jaw and knew they'd be in for another verbal beat down of each other. She'd been foolish to think that the argument would end when she walked out of the com room. At least this time there wouldn't be an audience.

"What the hell was with you in there?" Callen fumed, managing to keep the lid on his thinly veiled annoyance. Kensi didn't have that kind of restraint.

"Me?" she asked, incredulously. "I'm not the one who just ended a perfectly fine op! So I ask, what the hell is wrong with _you_?"

"You call what happened yesterday fine?" Callen retorted, putting Kensi on the defensive, and she internally cringed. She understood exactly what he was talking about, but her anger and pride wouldn't give him the benefit of knowing it.

They'd been trying to infiltrate a human trafficking ring for a few weeks now, and wouldn't you know the most credible in they could get was sending Kensi to get close to one of the lower leaders. Sometimes she hated 'falling back on her sexuality', but Kensi pushed it aside and did what had to be done. She was riding point on this one, so it was her ass on the line.

She'd managed to hold off Rafino, but it was getting hard, and she'd nearly blown her cover the night before when he'd tried to take her home. Excuses could only last so long, and she'd already done enough in her book. Every kiss she'd had to give him was an experience she'd much rather forget, but she did it all for the op. This was her mission to see through to the end.

Kensi was so close to finally finding out where they were keeping the victims that it made the time with Rafino more bearable. She was about to leave OPS for a date with him, when Callen abruptly told her that they would find a different way to get him and that her part in the operation was over. She first thought he was joking, but the look on his face said he was dead serious. And because of that single statement, the argument started in the com room and was now being fought by the lockers.

"I had it handled! I was this close to finding those people Callen," she seethed, gesturing with her fingers. "You had no right to pull me when we were that close!"

It was Callen's turn to give a disbelieving stare. "I have every right! I'm team leader, and I'm responsible for you whether you like it or not. It's obvious from last night that you've already gone too far with Rafino."

So _that's_ what it was. Kensi saw the golden opportunity to turn the tables on him, and she took it. "That's what this is about. It's that I had to get _close_ to him, isn't it?" Callen didn't say anything, but she knew she'd struck a nerve. She let out a small, sarcastic laugh. "It never bugged you before, but it does now. Well you know what, I can't take this. I can't take your jealousy. That's what it is, right?" she asked again, and Callen made no comment, but she saw his jaw clench. "I practically threw myself at you that night, but as I remember _you_ pushed me back. So you have no right to be jealous when I'm _doing my job_."

Kensi shook her head and walked to the door, but stopped by Callen before she made it all the way. He didn't turn his head toward her, didn't acknowledge that she was there, but she didn't care. She could tell that his every sense was honed in on her.

"If you wanted me, you should have acted instead of using this as an excuse." And with that, she twisted the lock back and threw the door open, leaving a trail of staring workers behind her.

* * *

Her keys had done nothing wrong, but that didn't save them from being thrown harder than necessary in the general direction of the table. Her bag was next, and Kensi managed to land it on the couch, contents precariously close to falling out. She'd tried to calm herself down on the way home, but found that the more she thought about the entire situation, the angrier she became.

For someone who wasn't good with emotions and rarely showed them, Callen knew exactly how to send hers spiraling out of control. Anger, frustration, lust, pain, regret and need all fought for dominance over each other, and Kensi cursed the man for making her question herself. Maybe she'd been reading him wrong this entire time. _No_, she decided firmly, she hadn't. Since the day they'd met, there was an irrefutable, unassailable connection that had only grown in the time they worked together.

It seemed that that bond was forcing itself from the depths and standing front and center more and more lately. Somewhere along the way, glances had changed to words, and words to contact. Kensi had to admit that her job made it hard for her to open up to anyone, let alone Callen. But somehow, he'd wormed his way into her defenses, without even trying. But he still wouldn't let her into his.

Kensi sighed sadly, thinking of that night outside by the fence after Dom had been lost. She'd been a wreck, but Callen was there for her, and _he'd_ made the first move. He'd kissed her and Kensi had forgotten every protest she'd had against being with him, forgotten every consequence, and only reveled in the moment she'd been unconsciously waiting for; a real, non-mission related sign from him that she wasn't crazy to think there was something more.

When she'd found him on the couch after their undercover at the bank, she tried to pick her way through his walls. She talked about the mission and about things she hadn't done, and he surprised her with the emotion he put in his words. She'd gotten farther into the depths of G. Callen that night than she ever had before. When she told him about her feelings after he was shot, the look in his eyes sent a pang through her heart. He looked shocked, like he couldn't believe someone would care about him like that. She was angry that he'd been put into the position of believing that, so to wash away any lingering doubt, she'd kissed him.

It was a hard fall from grace when he pushed her away that night. She thought that after all that had been said and unsaid, something had to change between them. She was willing to move forward, and he knew that. So he forced her away; told her to go home. At the time, she was confused, angry, but mostly just disappointed. She simply couldn't convince him to let go, no matter how hard she tried.

Since that night, they'd been tip-toeing around each other, a constant and useless dance that frustrated her to no end. He'd made it clear how he wanted them to be, and she was holding up her end. Unfortunately, he wasn't. Sometimes, she would catch him watching her, just long enough for her to notice before he'd turn away. Even their conversations always had some kind of an undertone that pushed professional boundaries. Didn't he know what he was doing to her? Couldn't he tell he was breaking her heart every single day? _He knows now_.

Someone was pounding on her door and it brought her back to reality. She could almost tell by the sound and pattern that it was him on the other side. First they fight at work, and now he has the gall to come to her home? Kensi considered ignoring him until he left, but if he wanted to willingly put himself in her path of fury, she might as well make him regret it.

Grabbing the door and flinging it open, she saw him and adjusted her expression to match his, eyes fierce and body tensed.

"What do you wan-"

Callen moved forward so quickly that she didn't have time to finish. In an instant, his lips were on hers, hands pulling her closer to him. Kensi was too shocked to do anything for a moment, and could only sink into him as they stumbled back into the room. Kensi hit her leg against the table behind her, and it brought her out of her passion-fueled stupor. Bringing her hands up to his chest, she pushed Callen away and quickly stepped toward the open door, facing away from him.

"You can't keep doing this, Callen," she said between breaths, her voice shaking more than she would like. "You can't just come here and kiss me, then push me away. I can't take this!" She heard him breathing heavily behind her and waited for him to say something. She half expected him to say nothing.

"Neither can I, Kens."

She wanted to laugh at the typical Callen response; few words, packed with meaning that she had learned to pick apart. Grabbing the door, Kensi slowly swung it closed and turned the lock. She spun around and looked into his blue eyes, seeing everything in them that she'd hoped to see. It nearly overwhelmed her, and the entire moment felt surreal. Making her way back to him, she put her hands on his chest and looked up into his face.

"Good."

He kissed her again, and this time Kensi wouldn't be stopping him. Miraculously, Callen managed to pull her through the maze of her apartment to her bedroom without breaking contact, and they fell heavily onto the sheets. Clothes fell away in a rushed frenzy, and Kensi didn't slow until she saw the scars that covered his body. She slowly touched the bullet scars, knife cuts, and burns that created a map of his past and his pain. He caught her hand and kissed it, and she pulled him to her once more.

* * *

The moon was filtering light in through the window when Kensi woke up in her bed. Focusing her eyes on the empty space next to her, she turned her head and stared at the ceiling. She'd had another dream, though by now she was used to them. Callen filled her waking hours and now he haunted her night hours.

Usually when she dreamed, she would wake up and only remember pieces. She would get a word here, or a feeling there, but the rest of it would be fairly transparent. But this one was different. She could almost feel where his arms had been, holding her through the night. She could practically taste him on her lips, which was new for her. And though she was alone, she could smell him on her sheets. Her subconscious had really outdone itself this time.

Wrapping the sheet around her, she sat up, not taking the time to wonder why she was naked. She was too lost in recalling the dream that she didn't even hear the front door shut. It wasn't until her bedroom door creaked open that she was pulled from her memories. For a moment she was startled, but when she saw his shadow through the door, she remembered everything, and knew that this time it hadn't been her overworked imagination.

Through the dim moonlight, she could make out his figure moving toward her. He was holding something in his hands, and its aroma elicited a growl from under her sheet. She could hear him chuckle as he looked at her in the dark and she smiled. A light was flipped on, and Kensi took the opportunity to take in Callen's rumpled clothes and the brown paper bag he carried.

"Somehow I knew _you'd_ be hungry," he said, amusement in his voice. She playfully glared at him as he sat down and handed her a white takeout box. A double-double. He knew her so well.

After what Kensi considered to be the best meal of her life, Callen set the boxes down on the floor and turned to Kensi. She could feel herself smiling at him as he glanced over at her.

"Well, this could be a problem," Callen said seriously, but Kensi couldn't miss the amused gleam in his eyes.

"And what would that be?"

"Well, you'll finally have to break your second date rule, 'cause there's no way I'm letting you cancel on _me_."

Kensi smiled and punched him softly as he lay down next to her. She readily cuddled into his side and forced herself to stop smiling. "Don't think that I forgot about that fight," she said seriously, poking his chest. "You are going to pay for that."

Callen reached over and clicked off the light. Kensi felt him smile against her lips as he pulled her into another heart stopping kiss.

"You can punish me any time you want."

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**Well, there you have it folks! I hope this ending lived up to expectations. If anyone's read any of my other stories, I use a lot of fake outs (I just like to 'fah-ck' with your minds!) Let me tell you, it was hard writing Kensi resisting Callen, because who really could, but I wanted it to be clear that she wasn't just going to let him have everything on his terms. She's stronger than that! But hey, thank you all really for reading and reviewing this story, it's been a pleasure to write and read all your feedback! I'm hoping to do some more one-shots in the future and if I can find the ambition, I have a vague idea for a longer story that might find its way onto here. Keep up the Callen/Kensi love everybody! **

** -moviefanatic17 **


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